7 Ways to Release Mom Guilt in your Empty Nest
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I have an Empty Nest - Why do I still feel Mom Guilt?
It starts when we become parents. Should I breastfeed? Should I work less? Do they have too much screen time? Are they fitting in at school? Did I push them too hard or not hard enough? Did I do something wrong?
The guilt I was feeling was just left over mom guilt.
After my kids had moved out I used to get a horrified feeling at 4pm everyday like I forgot to pick someone up from school. I would wake up in a panic in the middle of the night that I had forgotten to buy something for some school project or to mail in some form for some school event. This was from years of being a responsible parent.
Self sacrifice becomes a habit too.
I realized one day that I had the habit of taking the over ripe banana, the crappy first pancake, the oldest cell phone, the last annual dentist appointment after I made sure we could afford the dental work the kids needed. I wanted the best for my kids and my busy husband. I would stay home for a night with friends knowing I had early carpool duty or someone needed help with a school project that evening. No one even noticed all these small sacrifices I made for them. After my kids moved out, I was still doing it! It seems really ridiculous now and even more ridiculous that I continued to feel guilty about putting myself first long after the kids had moved out.
This is what I did to release the guilt and find the joy:
Take care of yourself FIRST Make yourself number one, before your spouse, before your parents, before your kids. Remember what the flight attendant always tells us to do with the oxygen mask. Take time to eat well, spend time with people who fill you up, move, get to those annual doctor and dentist appointments, get a regular pedicure, get a massage.
Be kind to yourself Treat yourself in the same way you would want your child or your friend to be treated. Think or say something nice to yourself everyday.
Get enough sleep This is when your brain sorts through your experiences and figures out how to deal with them. As many a new parent finds out, sleep is very important. Hormones can effect sleep so talk to your doctor if you need help getting a full night’s sleep.
Let your kids solve their own issues Give them a chance to figure it out before you step in. Avoid thinking that you “should” help them with their problems. If their life isn’t threatened and they aren’t on fire let them figure it out. We learn by the mistakes we make when we are young.
Take time to sit with your thoughts and breathe This can be meditation or just sitting on the porch with a cup of coffee. Turn your phone off, be still and breathe. Only you know what is best for you but sometimes we forget to listen.
Don’t blame yourself for their problems You have spent their lives sacrificing for them. You’ve worked so hard to give them all you could and you did the best you could at the time. Remember, many children who grow up with much worse situations than your kids did are do just fine as adults.
Be the person you want your kids to be Have a full, exciting, rewarding life. Get out there and do something fun. Being the best person you can be is better for everyone in your life.
